I'm assuming that your last sentence, which is cut off, is indicating that a drug test came out negative. This, of course, was my first thought. Take her in for another screening, but do a blood test.

Secondly, I would question this therapist's credentials. Your daughter is violent towards you and has current charges. No therapist in their right mind would say, "Well, maybe if you weren't so strict with her or if you were more understanding of why she hit you, she would stop being violent."

Give me a break.

Your daughter needs to see a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Your daughter sounds very manipulative, and, hopefully, the psychiatrist will be better able to identify this--a therapist isn't qualified to look for something like this.

This doesn't sound like teenage rebellion. It is one of two things: drug use; mental disorder. Sometimes both of these go hand in hand.

Take her to a psychiatrist.

I agree with jrachel. The only that concerns me otherwize is you say she just woke up like this one day. Mental illnesses don't simply switch on full blown one day.

One of my daughters was sexually assaulted and did not tell me when it happened. She was a similar age and although not as severe behaviorally as your daugher is, showed many of the same issues. I only found out after months later, after finding and reading a journal she wrote about the incident. Dig deep, kids don't change overnight for no reason.

Actually some mental illnesses CAN just switch on all the sudden. Schizophrenia is one such illness and has an onset time in the teen years for many who get it early in life. Your daughter's erratic and violent behavior actually first made me think drugs and then schizophrenia. Bipolar can also hit a sudden switch, a trigger happens that suddenly turns it on and the person can swing between manic and depressed constantly with nothing in between or with small lulls - such as you saw when she got out of boot camp. PTSD, such as being sexually assaulted, as IMHO points out, also just 'switches on' and can result in extreme behavior; as a sufferer I know I can become extremely aggressive if put into situations that make me feel like I felt when I was originally traumatized (and those who suffer from violent PTSD often take it out on those closest to them, because they know/hope you will still love them afterward).

She definitely needs to see a psychiatrist who can look for mental illnesses and prescribe medication if some is needed.

I grew up with strict parents i would go behind their backs and all that stuff that teenagers did with strict parents. talk to her and work out some sort of deal with her try something like if she helps you then you will help her. if she does her part by cleaning and doing other chores and then she will have some free time to go hang out with her friends. that was the worst thing for me was not being able to go hang out with my friends or a boyfriend i was 17 when my dad agreed to me having one and we had to start out staying at my parents house eventually that changed. i'm not saying let her do whatever she wants but just let her have some her time.

I understand this all to well. You practically said everything I experienced with my now 15 year old daughter, with the exception of boot camp and psych ward, but we also attended drug counciling. I am a full time momma of 3 step-daughters, 15, 14 and 11 one natural daughter,3 and a one year old son. Like you, I am a very firm and strict parent. My 15 year old also had acted out sexually, which hurt my heart the most as well as the other outbursts you described minus any severe physical attack.

I will outline how I handled this and let you take or leave what you feels applies.

For starters I knew some of the factors contributing to her behaviors and they were largely attributed to her birth mom and the different abuses and neglect she experienced the three years she lived with her mom. Their birth mom, as much as I wish it weren't true, is a no good, selfish junkie. I just didn't understand at first exactly HOW it was affecting her. In your case it may be attributed to her father not being present and then regardless of the actual relationship, affected her further by the step-father now leaving. No matter the situation, young minds often confuse things that happen in their lives closely with their self worth.

When things started getting out of control, it happened rather quickly. She started smoking weed, though I was always baffled how she managed to get away with what she did to get access to it and smoking it. She was failing horribly in school though she is quite bright. Her attitude was not as outrageous as you described but when it was bad (when she was busted) it got real bad and real loud real quick.

I think since we reacted so quickly and forcibly it made things better in the long run but I had the strong support of her father, my husband. Immediately we started taking things away and groundation was a given as her attitude got worse she lost more and more starting with her most coveted possessions such as cell phone, computer time, hair straighter, tv and even her door on more severe occasions. This worked in some ways but was not easy.

For several months it would be up and down around our home, it seemed she would behave only long enough to sneak around and be busted again. I felt so exhausted keeping up with her.

Her counciling wasn't effective, since she never got personal with her. Then despite all of the restriction and new awareness of her rebellion, the school environment proved to only be her 'playground'. That was it! I had enough and I yanked her out of school to put her on Independent Study, she needed to get back home.

During this time she had NO access to drugs, she had full time me, no distraction of boys or the back stabbing gossip of girls. We didn't always see eye to eye but having her here more gave us more time to understand each other more. Things on the outside improved over the rest of the year though we weren't through the storm yet.

Slowly we were allowing her small freedoms and while staying at her aunts house she slept with a boy she barely knew, two days latter she confessed to me because his sister had found out, a friend of hers, and she knew I was about to find out anyways, before that she had only told me she kissed him when I questioned her (her sister ratted about the boy being there). I felt temporarily lost and she was about to re-enter her small charter school she attended before, the new year was beginning and I wanted to give her another chance to straighten up and prove herself. It was the next week she comes to me upset about a boy who was spreading rumors about his past involvement with her, that through messages he wrote, she proved to me he was lying. When I took her phone from her for a completely different reason and seen texts, general and boring as they were, from the same boy who days earlier had upset her so much and had disrespected so much, I was pissed!

I confronted her, after I thought long and hard about some of the things that needed to be said. I knew this was the underlying issue that most needed to be delt with. Even when first approaching her I tried to remain calm in tone and language but I hit the nerve immediately and all hell broke loose. my oh my what my neighbors must have thought. It quickly was emotional, her yelling and cussing, me yelling and cussing, treats of running away, police being involved, doors slammed, things broken (by her) this one I was NOT letting go of. When she locked me out and I treatened a very unfair groundation she opened the door to for the first time try to get physical with me. Side note, I have told all my children and have stood by it, 'I will NEVER hit you unless you hit me and then you will regret it' She never 'hit' me but shoved me more times than I can count into a door handle while we yelled (I could have stopped it at any point but instinctively knew she needed to get something out), finally I shoved her and she went broke into tears, I think a little surprised I even touched her with force. It was then as she kept telling me how much she hated me and wanted me out of her life, and with all of the emotion and honesty I could muster I firmly through tears told her 'tough, I wasn't going anywhere, not now, not ever and she needed to accept that I was one person that was never going to leave her no matter how much she pushed, so let me in so that I could help her.' She crumpled into my arms and told me she was sorry and that she loved me and we talked a little but she was drained and I let her sleep. I kept her out the following day and we really talked, it has not went back since. She comes to me far more, even when she has made a mistake, though they are smaller and easier to confess now.

We also developed an honesty policy that if they make a mistake and confess it fully they will receive less punishment, sometimes none for lesser mistakes. But all the less I am fair about it because I have learned that the communication and trust of your children is more important than a lot of other parenting when it comes to understanding what they are struggling with internally.

I would think that your daughters rebellion is similar to my own since it deals with feelings of abandonment. Find ways to let your daughter know just how important she is to you. The more creative and corny you are the more lasting impression you will make. It's important to build our children up because there are so many out there eager to tear them down including themselves. Good luck to you, though it may not be an easy road, it will pass. During the year of rebellion, one thing did seem consistent, she needed a lot of affirmation, looking back I see that more clearly. I think we sometimes forget that our teenagers need to be treated with the same care of a young child, with lots of 'I love yous' and 'hey guess what? Did you know your beautiful?' and of course the more subtle things that show them that they are valued and loved. FIND the things about her to praise and uplift and do it without reserve but maintain your firmness in rules and discipline for misbehavior. I also found though most parents parent without giving reason to the child, the more I inform them to how I came to my discipline decisions the more likely they are to gracefully accept it. I'm sure as a parent you have established firm ground rules but have you ever discussed why and maybe even given her the platform to earn or barter leniency (later bedtimes etc.) But if it is a new rule needed to be implemented because of behavior she should understand why and what the exact repercussions are.

Don't lose hope and I hope my story helped a little and gave you some foresight to use. Merry Christmas.