Have you talked to the school counselor about your son? This sounds like more than hormones...
I wonder if talking with a licensed family therapist would be helpful. Generally, you and your husband would meet with the therapist first to discuss the situation, and then the therapist would talk to your son, and facilitate all of you talking to each other.

Your son sounds really angry. I would talk to the school counselor and consider therapy before sending him away. He might just bring all his issues to his grandfather's...and he might become more angry because he might feel that you are "getting rid" of him.

Sometimes if there has been a change in the family, children act out instead of talking about their feelings...especially boys.

I can relate.only mine is 9.hes adhd ocd and bipolar.hes on meds but its a constant battle.to make it worse we live with my mom and she always tries to be the parent.its hard.what ive found to help is sports to burn energy.he has some issues with me cauae weve moved alot.but hes very bright and talented.try to find out what hes talented at or a subject of interest.build on his strengths and encourage his creativity.let him be independent to an extent.hope that helps

I have taken him to counseling....he has become very acquainted with the counselor at his school....i have been the compassionate parent and tried to talk to him, but he only gets madder....he has a 4 yr old brother that he picks on all the time....i have to look out for the safety of the little one. the only chore he has is to take out the trash- he flat out refuses....i wake up at 5 am to get up and take him to school at 7 am...if i dont get him up he wont get up....he's 14...he should be able to do this on his own ! we have already contacted the state because of his refusal to go to school...hes had a psych eval....hes had counseling.....

Hes been in wrestling, football and baseball since he was six....hes decided the last two years he longer cares for any of it...girls and friends are more important to him.

I think you need to come at this from every angle you can with as much energy as you can muster. Teenagers know that they have more energy for conflict than adults and in some cases they even get energized by it. I believe the only thing a parent can do in a situation like this is to set clear and enforceable boundaries and try to avoid the 'big threat'. By the time a child is a teenager we should be engaging in working out compromises and trying to find a middle ground between their desire for autonomy and our need for sanity.

This means that we have to pick and choose our battles and try not to get too locked into arguments that we often cannot win or consequences we cannot reinforce. Instead we can focus on doing everything possible to find a way to connect with them and explain how frustrated and upset we are. We need to continue to let them know that there is a part of us that will love them no matter what (unconditionally) but that they are making day to day living very difficult. This is an ongoing process but kids will be more likely to do what we want when they feel some connection to us.

It will likely not be helpful for him to go live with a grandparent. However, it is not a bad idea to get some respite every once in a while for weekends or maybe holidays. Sometimes we need a break from them and they from us when they get to that age. Teenagers to not respond well to controlling and demanding parenting so as much as it pains us we need to learn to negotiate with them, even when they often seem totally irrational. Hanging in there with your challenging teen will be a valuable family lesson for him and will be of benefit in the long run.

It may be difficult to see how you will get through this now but try to remember he is still your child, he is still the little boy he was before, and in some ways he is struggling as much or maybe more than you are. Belonging is an important need for all kids and it is our job as parents to do our best to help them feel like they belong even when their behavior tells us they are not so sure they do belong. The more we can find what is positive in their behavior and actions and avoid being negative the better it will be in the long haul. Either way, good luck with this, whatever you decide. I am guessing you are telling yourself it shouldn't be this way. However, it is always more helpful to think it would 'be nice' if things were different but many parents have the same issues.

What state do you live in? Many do have programs for kids at risk of dropping out of school that a social worker or school counselor can make a recommendation for.

It sounds like you need to have your son drug tested.

It also sounds like he needs to see a psychiatrist--on a regular basis--not just a one-time evaluation. There are a number of mental disorders that have an onset at his age. Sometimes, too, drugs and mental disorders go hand in hand. It sounds like the people that you have taken him to see have dismissed this problem. Something is obviously wrong, and he is falling through the cracks.

Nothing you do, as far as discipline is concerned, will help this situation until you find out the root of the problem.

Whether it is drugs or a mental disorder, you need to address this issue now before he becomes an adult--everything will be out of your hands at that time.

I feel that you if you send your son to be with his grandfather for any extended amount of time (living there), it will be perceived by your son as defeat and or you giving up on him rather than desperately trying to get him on the right path and doing the mandatory things in life, such as going to school, showing respect etc.

Often if there is this degree of 'acting out', there are underlying problems that he is dealing with and he may not know how or feel comfortable discussing them. If it is not more serious he may be having issues with girls or fitting in with the guys or perhaps he has made friends with problem children and that is influencing the behavior.

I have five children, and though I have not had these specific issues or the degree of them, I agree some sort of drastic intervention must be made. I currently have my 14 year old home schooled and last year it was my 15 year old. So 14 seems to be a rough time of dealing with emotions and adjusting to them properly.

If you can do so yourself, I would suggest you, as the parent home school him. If you are concerned with if you are capable of helping him with in the terms of schooling, several schools provide online classes which have tutorials and detailed instruction. It may be that he does really well with this self paced approach. When I have a kid home I become more lenient in some areas such as bed times and sleeping in, as long as they are completing their work, often they are well ahead.

The most rewarding part is I get to know my kids all over again, when they hit the teenage years you start to lose touch as they discover who they are and want to be. How could the parent possibly understand what they are going through. Also my kids get to know me better since at that age I am able to share parts of my life that wasn't appropriate earlier in their lives. It is a great bonding time.

However beware if you do decide you personally want to home school your son, his attitude isn't likely to change overnight. And though some kids see home school as a punishment, it shouldn't be so. It is an opportunity to take control of his own education instead of conforming to a school systems sometimes broken methods. If punishment needs to be handed down it should be separate of schooling issues. As well you should talk about expectations while being home, such as 'okay since you are home full time I don't think it is necessary to be up at x time but you should be up by y time. My time is between 10 and 11am, I don't like it much but never complain since I'm aware we are together 24/7 and I pick my battles, it also gives me MY mornings.

This road has it's ups and downs but well worth it for your relationship. By the end of one year at home, my children have been eager to get back into main line school, proving themselves more focused and emotionally under control. I truly wish you the best of luck and hope you find what works for you, but do not give up.

If the grandfather is the only option you feel you have, you still must be very involved in the raising of your son, even if it is only done over phone for long distance. Again he isn't being 'sent away' for misbehavior but being provided a better learning environment, focus on the positive so that your son benefits from these decisions the most. Be firm to what you expect but give him some say in how it is done. Merry Christmas!

Isn't it kind of strange that in these days of 'modern' parenting we have all these problems with our children.
It seems that since we have had all the do gooders and new age parents teenage society has and is running out of control. This is not a blanket observation or indightment on all teenagers just the few that cause problems. We never had this in the 50's 60's it only started to appear in the early-mid 70's.

So lets stop blaming the kids and start to look how society and the community has changed as has the attitude toward parenting. A child is yours FOR LIFE to look after care for and be there for not to be pushed away and shed responsability for. We shape our children by our behaviour and parenting from the day they are born through key stages of development, we craete the envvironment, social arena and skills and indeed the attitude towards others that they will percieve as the norm.

I am wondering how a 14 year old can intimidate a grown man and grown woman. If you guy are weak, I could understand him overpowering one of you but two of yoi should present a pretty formidable show of force in any circumstances. Why are asking him and not telling him? It doesn't sound he is the problem. Every child begin to individuate about this age. Every child begins to test his limitsvat about this age. It just doesn't seem like you are setting any. Under those circumstances that you created, what did you expect to happen. You seem to be blamin him for your lack of showing him that you care. Setting limits show young people that you care. Setting no means that you don't care at all. So why he care about your priorities.

I have to agree with the others who encouraged you to seek psychiatric help for your son. You may be unwittingly exacerbating a mental condition he is suffering from by assuming that he can control his behavior and is simply choosing not to.

The second suggestion I have is take a very close look at his diet, sleep, and exercise habits. Do some reading on how diet affects children's psychological and emotional well being. You may be amazed by what you learn. Counseling and therapy are often very helpful, but do not address the entire issue. Take a look at your son's entire well being, emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

One more thing - in response to the person who states that parent's didn't have these kinds of issues with their kids before the 70's and the age of political correctness...

People used to consider a soda to be a dessert or special treat, not something to drink all day long. We also didn't have all the added hormones and antibiotics in our dairy and meat products. We also didn't have families sitting down to eat pre-made processed foods in front of a TV every night.

Furthermore, these sort of issues were far more stigmatized in the past. Just because people didn't talk about these things as much doesn't mean they weren't happening at all.

Lastly, people did not have 24/7 access to instant gratification entertainment and communication in the past. Kids today grow up drinking and eating sugar while sitting alone in front of the TV/Xbox/Computer and we wonder why they can't calm down, focus, exercise patience, etc.

LittleLily precisely society, community and changes in attitudes. Yes it was still present but not in the prevalence it is now. Look at education and the classroom go down the fairgrounds on a saturday night hang around the parks and streets the change and vastness of change is frightingly obvious.